Showing posts with label Adoption. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Adoption. Show all posts

Monday, March 7, 2022

Post Dispatch article on Serge

 A man who split his time between the St. Louis area and Ukraine, helping arrange adoptions of children with medical needs, has died amid the fighting in the war-torn country.

The St. Louis Post-Dispatch reports that Serge Zevlever was killed when he volunteered to check on a commotion outside a Kyiv bomb shelter on Feb. 26, his daughters said. That was just two days after Russian forces launched an invasion of Ukraine. “He was not in a scuffle, he was not on the front lines,” his eldest daughter Alisa Sander said. “He went outside to see if it was safe for everyone else."

Zevlever fled Ukraine in the years before the fall of the Soviet Union in 1991 and eventually became a U.S. citizen. “It was a wish of his mother that he get out and find a better, free life for his family,” his younger daughter Nicole Zevlever said.

Zevlever spoke to the Post-Dispatch in a 1999 interview about his job navigating a complicated patchwork of requirements from orphanages and local governments.  “My job," he said, “is to take care of the parents while they’re overseas."


Thursday, June 17, 2021

Ben's trip to L.A.

Ben went to L.A. this past week to visit his half-sister who was adopted from Ukraine.  She is 10 months younger than him and was adopted with her sister about 10 years ago.  Ben found her when he did 23 and Me!!!!  They seemed to hit it off immediately and Ben had such a great time with her family
He stayed with her grandparents (in a house that used to be owned by Clark Gable)!!!!!

Saturday, April 22, 2017

Article on "What does the future hold for Ukraine's Children in Care?"

Driving fast, Maxim Timotin jolts us along the pitted and potholed road to his old orphanage. The route is deserted except for a horse and cart, plodding through snow drifts toward the Moldovan border. Bitter frosts tear fresh scars into the tarmac each winter, but scars are often left neglected in rural Ukraine.

This home wasn’t that bad, Maxim says. The worst abuse was over by the time he was 11. “When I was very small, life there wasn’t so good. There were as many bad teachers as good ones. But I grew up and it became easier and easier for me,” he explains. “Until the fourth grade a teacher could beat us. But after that she stopped because we could hit her back.”

Timotin is skinny, pale and unkempt, but talks with a brash assertiveness that belies his 22 years. Born in 1994 in Odessa region, Ukraine’s south-western corner, the Soviet Union had collapsed just three years earlier. Gangsters fought gun battles in the streets as their oligarch bosses raced to strip apart and swallow state enterprises relinquished by communist Ukraine. To Timotin’s small-town parents, the future must have looked bleak and uncertain.

“They were drinkers, their lifestyle was immoral,” Maxim tells me, although the only details he has about them come from the government. “My mother gave birth to me and brought me straight to an orphanage for babies.”

Despite being born in independent Ukraine, Timotin’s future would be decided by Soviet design after entering the welfare system. At age seven he was moved to the small town of Kotovsk, where he entered an internat — a mixed boarding school for orphans and children from families living in poverty. The schools were developed to accommodate the massive number of children in the USSR whose parents had been killed by wars and famine. Their goal - to take vulnerable children and mould them into patriotic workers equipped with the skills to work in heavy industry.

Other residential schools catered for children with disabilities or those with a unique talent the state wanted to nurture, such as sporting prowess. Potential Olympians were persuaded to part from their families for a strict training regime. The impact on young minds of growing up deprived of a family’s affection was neither considered nor catered for.

“The biggest problem with the system is that it’s Soviet, it’s not designed to look after the children’s interests,” says Mykola Kuleba, Ukraine’s Presidential Ombudsman for Children. “Back in the Soviet Union, it didn’t matter that the child was not in the family, the main thing was to train him to love the motherland and to be obedient.”

Little appears to have changed since independence. At Timotin’s old school, patriotic poems and drawings are plastered on the walls. The pictures are annotated by messages of support for Ukrainian troops fighting Russian proxies in eastern Ukraine, scrawled in children’s handwriting. The compound in which the children spend all day, every day, is as spotless as a military barracks. Each child has half a shelf for their neatly folded clothes and a single toy laid across their small, perfectly made beds. The teachers and some of the older children are all smiles when we arrive, but many of the younger ones look subdued and achingly sad. It’s so cold in their classrooms that students are still wearing their outdoor jackets.

Today, Kuleba’s office counts 106,000 children living in 750 institutions similar to Timotin’s. Every three days one of them dies, he says.

“A lot of children with disabilities die because they don’t get the necessary medical support. Most of those deaths could have been prevented if they had been transferred to a medical care centre.”

The number of children in care is rising. On average, 250 enter the system each day, significantly more than the number graduating. The government says there are now 9,000 more children in internats than there were two years ago.

Coupled with Kiev’s statistics on what happens to children after leaving the system, this trend is alarming. Twenty percent of children graduating internats at 16 end up in prison. Ten percent go on to commit or attempt suicide. Others embrace alcoholism and produce a new generation for the internats. Less than one percent make it to a university.

For these teenagers, the jarring adjustment from complete dependence to sudden adulthood is too much. “When children leave an internat they don’t know how to cook for themselves, even fry eggs or boil pasta,” says Tetiana Semikop, director of Faith, Hope, Love, an NGO which works to support vulnerable children in Odessa. “They don’t know how to budget. They come to a shop and buy chocolates and biscuits without thinking about the rest of the week. They’re used to everything being provided for them.” 
Twenty-five years after the demise of Soviet industry, internat graduates are still encouraged to enter a technical college and train for jobs now no longer in demand. Without the means to find an alternative future by bribing their way into one of Ukraine’s increasingly corrupt universities, many look for other ways to make ends meet. 
“If you go to the train station you’ll see women that offer you a prostitute younger than 18 - 80% are from internats or bad families,” Semikop tells me. “There’s no control by workers at the internat, they don’t care. Sometimes the girls go out at night and come back in the morning. The staff in the internat don’t pay attention. Sometimes the girls just leave the internat altogether.” 
Semikop has joined a group of organisations, led by Ombudsman Kuleba, that want to shut down internats for good. They argue that Ukraine should focus its resources on preventing children ending up in the system instead. 
“From these 106,000 children in care, only 8,000 are genuine orphans. The rest have parents,” Kuleba says. “They choose to put their child in care because they have no other options, they’re poor and are persuaded the state can take better care of them. Or if you or the child have a disability, the child has to go to an institution, there’s no specialised support in the community.” 
Even now parents are persuaded to give up their children by local authorities, who receive and rely on government funding per child in their care. Bureaucrats then cream off money allocated for food and medicine by ordering goods at inflated prices, taking a kickback from the suppliers in return. Concerns about exploitation were heightened in November, when a 52 year-old female teacher was arrested and accused of offering an internat child’s organs to a prospective buyer. 
Kuleba says he has a detailed plan for replacing the internats with an integrated network of social workers, support centres and foster families, largely modelled on reforms implemented with EU help in Romania and Bulgaria. He wants to end an inefficiently centralised system of institutional care, focusing instead on supporting impoverished parents to look after their children themselves, with education, training and specialised healthcare services available in the local community. 
“Now we spend 170 million dollars for all the institutions, but only 12 million on just 5,000 social workers helping vulnerable families, preventing children having to be taken into custody. That should be reversed,” he argues.
The need for government assistance is growing ever more acute. War in the country’s east has driven millions of Ukrainians from their homes and ravaged its economy, swelling the number of children at risk of poverty, abuse or neglect to nearly 600,000, according to government estimates.
But there’s a catch to Kuleba’s plan. He says Ukraine will need $2 billion over ten years from the EU to implement his proposal. In a country where the welfare system is already riddled with corruption, that’s a big ask. When new legislation forced officials to reluctantly declare their assets last year, career bureaucrats revealed huge stockpiles of cash, countless luxury cars and apartments, all well in excess of their meagre monthly wages. Kuleba himself hasn’t declared his assets, citing a law that exempts his position — considered political rather than governmental — from doing so.
Despite the widespread frustration with government graft, there’s a growing consensus among psychologists and social workers in Ukraine that Kuleba’s plan deserves support. In Kotovsk, two social workers take us to see a foster family. They want me to see Yana, a 13 year-old girl whose mother died of alcoholism three years ago. Yana was taken to an internat when her stepfather abandoned her shortly afterwards, but social workers were able to place her with a local family unable to have children of their own. 
“At first it was difficult to adjust, because there were very different rules there [at the internat],” Yana tells me. “Now I’m used to it. At first when they took me here they were helping me with all the things I didn’t know about, they were asking what I didn’t know, then when I came here I saw that I had a sister here and we were playing together and now we are friends.”

Yana is clearly thriving in her new environment, but placing orphans in foster families and monitoring children at risk is labour intensive.

“We have a data-bank with parents who want to adopt a child,” says Oksana Tkach, the social worker that found Yana a home.

“To get a child they need to have a medical test and bring a statement that they don’t have a criminal record. They both need to have an income. Because if they don’t work it means that they’re going to spend state money allocated for the child. They need to own an apartment or a house. And we work with them. We talk to them and decide if they have a parent potential. Then we sent them to an education centre in Odessa.”

Once a child is settled, social workers should check in once a week for the first month, then once a fortnight, gradually transitioning to one visit every two months. With only 5,000 professional outreach social workers in the country, Ukraine is far from being able to cater for the 600,000 vulnerable children on its books.

Without external funds, Kuleba’s planned transition will be impossible. Even if Kuleba gets the money, resistance from vested interests in the internats and local authorities could skewer it. Faced with the prospect of losing a local cash cow, over the past two years local authorities and internat directors have begun changing the official status of their institutions from orphanages to specialist academies in the hope of avoiding any future cull.

Back on the bumpy road out of Kotovsk, I discover a more unlikely opponent to Kuleba’s plan. Internats aren’t bad for everybody, says Maxim Timotin. After all, his experience hasn’t affected him — he has no scars, he claims. Even finding out his mother had died while filing paperwork at a government registry didn’t faze him. It all depends on the person, he argues.

Throughout our trip, Timotin has been at pains to show he’s twice as tough as friends that took the easy route and ended up in jail. He talks about how he’s made his own way out of poverty by running a small bar and his plans to go into politics. Locally, he’s developing a public profile as an irreverent children’s rights activist. Full of bravado, Timotin confronts teachers, berates government officials and strides the corridors of his old orphanage as though he were its headmaster.

Only once does he let his guard down. As he steps into the bedroom where he slept as a child, I snap a series of photos. He offers a shy smile. For a fleeting moment, this gruff, thick-skinned young man becomes scruffy seven year-old Maxim, left alone to take on the world.

Monday, November 14, 2016

Ben's school assignment

Ben is doing Child Development this year and his current assignment was a project "my birth".  He had a page of questions about his birth that we don't have many answers to.  Sam and I had some information for him, like his birth height and weight, but not much else.  It became apparent that this was very uncomfortable for him and so I went to talk to him later.  He said that it doesn't bother him that he's adopted, but he just didn't want to bring all the details up at school.  I think that's entirely understandable.  I emailed his teacher and asked if he could do an alternative assignment.  She was very understanding and just said they would give him a pass on this assignment.
It did give me an opportunity to talk to him about his adoption and I gave him our adoption book to look at.  Adoption rarely comes up with the kids.  They are completely open about it and their friends know.  I can see why Ben didn't want to discuss in a class setting though.  We are very lucky that they are both easy going and secure in our family.

Saturday, October 15, 2016

Nobody's Child

This is my cousin, Gordon McHowat.  He passed away this week at the age of 55.  He had Downs syndrome and was placed in a home when he was 8.  I always thought of him as pure innocence.  He was always laughing.  I never saw him much because his family lived in Bahrain and the home where he lived was in Scotland close to my Granny.  When I was younger, we would always go and visit him.  My last memory of him was when we took him out for a drive in my old Spitfire with the top down, he loved the feeling of the wind.
I have often thought of how different his life would have been if he had been born today.  We have come a long way in our attitudes and care of people with disabilities, but we still have a long way to go.

Granny had an old record of Nobody's Child.  I can still remember Granny singing along to it and Gordon loving it.  At the time, I felt like Gordon was nobody's child.  The song is about a boy in an orphanage who doesn't get adopted because he is blind.  It reminds me of all the children in orphanages all over the world who live without hope.  All of them could be helped if we just cared a little more about others and less about ourselves.  Will that ever happen though?

As I was slowly passing, an orphans home today
I stopped for just a little while to watch the children play
A lone boy standin', and when I asked him why
He turned with eyes that could not see, and he began to cry

I'm nobody's child, I'm nobody's child
Just like a flower I'm growin' wild
No mama's arms to hold me no daddy's smile
Nobody wants me, I'm nobody's child

In every town and village
There are places just like this
With rows and rows of children
And babies in their cribs

They've long since stopped their cryin'
As no-one ever hears
And no-one there to notice them or take away their fears

Nobody's child, they're nobody's child
Just like a flower they're growin wild
No mama's arms to hold them, no daddy's smile
Nobody wants them they're nobody's child

Nobody's child, they're nobody's child
Just like a flower they're growin wild
No mama's arms to hold them, no daddy's smile
Nobody wants them they're nobody's child
Nobody wants them they're nobody's child

Thursday, March 8, 2012

A very long trip

We had a long weekend. Went to Springfield for Ben's gymnastics meet and then on to Oklahoma to sign Consent to Adopt paperwork for Daniel. We drove 1000 miles in a little over 2 days and it was pretty rough. We left Maggie with Jan and Julie for the weekend and took Ben with us (of course). We thought it would be easier for all of us. I took this picture of Ben and Sam together in the restaurant we ate at on Saturday night. I never get pictures of the two of them together-Sam says it's because Maggie is always all over him!!!

My favourite coffee shop is in Springfield. Sam had brought coffee back from there when he did the last Crossfit competition and I have been ordering it online since then. We went there so that I could get a latte-definitely worth waiting for!!!!

Ben couldn't go in the swimming pool in Springfield because of his gymnastics, but we made sure he had a pool when we got to Poteau. He couldn't wait to get into it when we got to the hotel. He had a great time swimming.

Who knew there was a town called Jane in Missouri???!!!!! Apparently its claim to fame is having a Walmart and Hank Williams grew up there. Fame at last!!!!

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Mothers.....

Me:  Ben, did you know that you came home 10 years ago today?  Look at how cute you were in this picture with you and Daddy in Chicago.
Ben: 
Me:  I know, I'm too sentimental
Ben:  That's OK Mum, all mothers are sentimental.....

Yes, it's been that long.....

In some ways, it seems like for ever; in others, it's no time at all. Sam & Ben landed in Chicago 10 years ago after a long and difficult time in Ukraine. I hadn't seen either of them for 5 weeks and when they came off the plane, I burst into tears. It was such a relief to see them both again. I was giving up hope of ever seeing Ben (and maybe never seeing Sam) again. That seems so silly now, but such a possibility back then.
Just looking at this picture, you can tell they had spent a lot of time together and had bonded with each other quite successfully.
What a wild ride the last 10 years has been. Parenthood is definitely not for the faint of heart, but who would have it any other way???!!!!

Saturday, February 5, 2011

The "hot sauce mum"

I don't usually comment on the hype surrounding the challenges with adopting older children from orphanages in Eastern Europe, but every now & again, something touches a nerve & I feel like I cannot ignore the latest news. There has been a lot of talk in the media about the mother that appeared on the Dr Phil show recently. I saw the link to this video on another blog this morning and it made me cry, it's not easy to watch. I can tell you that I have been in similar situations before and know how frustrating it is to think you cannot get through to your children, but I know above anything else that treating children this way is never going to change them and will have the opposite effect to what you want. In this particular case, this family adopted two boys from Russia when they were five and so the Russian government is now involved and the International Adoption community is watching it carefully. Charges have been brought against the mother and who knows what the outcome will be. The whole situation is very sad and should never have happened, but how to avoid it? Nothing can prepare you for how to deal with these situations and no amount of research can predict what your situation will be. We read a lot before adopting, but I can admit that I thought "that won't happen to us". Most importantly, there is very little support for families that are in similar situations and unfortunately no-one can truly understand unless they have been in the same situation. I can sympathize with the mother, but can't condone what she was doing, this is just blatant cruelty to a child that clearly needs love and understanding. Most of all, what kind of person would go on National television and talk about this rather than asking for professional help?

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Is this the first of many conversations?

We have always told Ben that he is adopted from Ukraine. He understood the whole concept a lot more when we went back to get Daniel & Maggie. However, that was 4 years ago now. He mentions Ukraine every now and again, especially since he started doing gymnastics recently. However, yesterday he asked me how & why we chose him. I have always told him that Sam chose him from the other children that we saw, but this time Ben wanted to know what it was about him that made him stand out and I could tell that he really wanted to understand it. I told him that Sam said that he looked like he belonged to us and that we thought that his birthday being the day before my Dad's was some kind of sign. Ben told me that he wished that he had been in my tummy and that I was his Mum in that way. I told him that I will always be his mother & he will always be my son. I also said that we were lucky because we got to choose him whereas when you give birth you just have to take what you get. He laughed and was happy.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Recent information concerning our adoption agency

We have always had concerns about the finances and dealings our adoption agency, but believed that they were basically doing what they had to to bring children home. They charged an exorbitant amount of money for adoptions at a time when they weren't as expensive as they are now. However, they were successful at bringing our children home despite many difficulties & we will always be grateful for that. We have heard of many complaints about their finances, in addition to our own, and we heard that one of the directors had recently committed suicide. There was an article published in the paper today that indicates that their woes are not over. There are many unscrupulous agencies involved in adoption and unfortunately, we suspected that ours was one of them,. However, I do not believe that the blame lies at one door and the whole story has not yet emerged. It's a sad day for the adoption business in St. Louis and for the adoption community in general. Unfortunately, families are desperate to be completed and will allow themselves to be manipulated and exploited in order to being their children home. I had always said that if we were in any other type of transaction that we would have bailed many times over. http://www.stltoday.com/stltoday/news/stories.nsf/stlouiscitycounty/story/7FDFEA96BFC055AC8625763D000E9F17?OpenDocument

Subsequently, an article in support of Slava was published.
http://www.stlbeacon.org/beacon_columnists/viacheslav_platonov_remembered
As I said before, the whole story has not emerged. At least something was written giving the other side. As with all situations like this one, it's ultimately the orphans that will suffer. Our agency is not unique, there are many agencies dealing with all kinds of charitable intentions that mismanage money and think of themselves first. We went into adoption fully aware that this was the case. However, the level of corruption (particularly during our first adoption) was more than even we had expected. During our second adoption, people played with our lives, juggling children around & employing bait & switch tactics. To me, that is worse than any money exchange that ever took place. Many people are just plain cold and don't care what happens to families during the adoption process or after. From what I have heard, SWAF has already gone some way to remedy this oversight & I hope they have learned from their mistakes. Somehow I doubt it.